Archie Sonic Issue #5

This cover is pretty whatever. I'm not necessarily crazy about the plain white background, but the image itself is decent enough in concept and reasonably well-drawn. Also, it does at least advertise the story inside slightly, even if it's just giving a title, so that automatically makes it better than the last couple we've seen here.

Before we dive into this issue, we have a major development behind the scenes in need of addressing. For the past 8 issues across the original miniseries and the main book, we've been riding non-stop on the Gallagher Express. However, Issue 5 marks a major turning point for the future of this comic, because for the very first time, we have a brand-new writer on the scene. And that writer is, drum roll please... 

Angelo DeCesare!

No but seriously, I've tried to find out more about this guy and his work outside of Archie Sonic, and thus far I have yet to find anything resembling solid, concrete information. The best I could find was a claim on one of the Sonic fandom wikis that he has apparently written some lesser-known children's books, but the only link provided is seemingly long since dead and buried. Bottom line, I have no idea who this is, and it seems Archie Sonic is about the biggest thing in his career at least from where I'm standing.

As for what his arrival means in the grand scheme of this comic, on the surface it doesn't really mean a whole lot. As we'll see in just a moment, while I wouldn't say his style is exactly like Gallagher, he also doesn't really deviate from the established goofy tone of these early issues. We're still pretty firmly in Gag Era territory here.

However, the mere fact that we're getting a new writer still counts as a notable turning point, because it means Gallagher will no longer be the sole driving force behind the direction of the comic. From this moment on, we'll begin to see the introduction of new writers who will slowly but surely guide the transformation of this silly little book into something... more. 

Without further ado, let's jump right into:

"Olympic Trials and Errors!"

Well Angelo, I'll give you this, you managed to predict that one scene from the first Sonic movie a full 27 years in advance. Kudos for being a prophet with your very first Archie Sonic page, I guess.

OK to be fair, it's not quite the same. THAT scene was a gut-wrenching reality check for how much of a lonely kid Movie Sonic was before he stumbles his way into a much happier life. Meanwhile, despite living on a planet that's objectively worse-off overall, Archie Sonic has a pretty stable friend group and is doing this purely to show off his speed in a goofy way. Gee, it sure is fun to compare these different Sonic universes and their unique takes on the character, I sure wish SOME people at Sega would just TAKE THE HINT AND LET CREATIVE PEOPLE DO THEIR OWN THING AND-

Nope. We're not doing that tangent today. It's the first page, let's try to stay on topic and not get derailed for once, me.

Sonic continues running until he slams straight into the wall of a massive stadium built by Robotnik, creatively titled "Robotnik Stadium". Before I can even begin to question how Sonic and Tails both failed to notice this ridiculously huge building sitting right out there in the open, Sonic demands for the nearby SWAT-Bot to explain what's going on.

OK right off the bat (no pun intended), I have to say this is actually a pretty decent set-up, although not entirely perfect. 

First of all, I like that it's actually ROBOTNIK who's taking the initiative for once. It's not the heroes making a strike at Robotropolis, or one of his minions coming up with a better plan, or a roboticizer blowing up in his face and creating a giant monster. Instead, he's making a plan specifically targeted at Sonic by challenging him to an all-or-nothing competition, a temptation that he KNOWS Sonic can't resist, and the Freedom Fighters are having to respond to HIM this time.

Second, that middle panel is absolutely gold. There's just something about the incredibly serious, tough-looking SWAT-Bot going "nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah" that makes for a rather amusing juxtaposition. Plus, I love the added detail of Sonic having to hold Tails back from jumping him, any scene demonstrating these guys as bros is much appreciated.

Third and finally, I ALMOST like the fact that the Freedom Fighters don't immediately jump into this blatantly obvious trap... but it only takes Sonic a single panel of bragging to convince them otherwise, so they still kind of look like idiots anyway. Still, points for trying, Angelo, 2 out of 3 positives ain't bad for this era.

The conversation that follows does kind of call to attention a certain odd detail of these early issues, though. I don't know if you've noticed, but all the way until now, Antoine has been lacking his signature French accent from SatAM, even after Bunnie showed up with her stereotypically Southern accent right from the word go. I bring this up because as the Freedom Fighters are discussing who's going to be on their Olympics team for the 4 upcoming events, Antoine brags about his fencing skills and says "En garde!", which technically marks his first use of French terminology, but he still won't get his accent proper until Issue 10. It's just a really weird error, and I didn't know where else to talk about it so there you go.

OK wow, this story is REALLY delivering the goods so far. While Tails was initially eager to jump onto the team to prove himself, Antoine's bragging and there only being 4 spots to fill left him feeling inadequate and deciding to sit this one out, but he still decides to build a sculpture for Sonic to support his hero/big brother anyway. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! THERE'S the Tails I know and love!

Oh, and the background showing Sonic trying to call out to his little buddy while Sally shoves Antoine for being rude to him? That's so sweet!

Also once again, props to Robotnik, because this is actually a WAY more competent plan than his usual. Putting aside the weirdness of seeing Sonic swim before his fear of water was firmly established, replacing Sonic's shoes with energy-draining replicas is exactly the kind of devious thing an evil genius SHOULD be doing. Admittedly, the SWAT-Bot reporting right afterward that he tossed them in the garbage rather than storing them away for safe-keeping is a pretty ridiculous blunder, but at least it's Robotnik's MINION making the stupid, plan-ruining mistake this time around. 

That said... the next couple of pages do lose me for a bit here, because the second Sonic drops down in exhaustion, the Freedom Fighters' decision-making skills take a HUGE nose-dive as they try to fill in his spot:

Like OK, Antoine doing the long jump but losing to Splats is unfortunate, but perfectly understandable. No complaints here. But then... SALLY is the one in the swimming competition, instead of, oh I don't know, Rotor the WALRUS? HELLO!? 

But no, instead, we put Rotor on the WEIGHT-LIFTING competition, where he's immediately outclassed by one of Robotnik's SWAT-Bots. Go figure.

Man, if only we had some other Freedom Fighter known for their incredible super strength.

Like maybe, and I'm just spit balling here, a half-roboticized bunny rabbit who can lift a giant Robotnik mech with one arm or something.

Oh well. 

(OK fine I'll cut the guy some slack, it was his first time writing and maybe the staff hadn't told him about Bunnie yet. But STILL.)

Thankfully, that rather embarrassing display is interrupted by a cut back over to Tails, who's scavenging around Robotropolis's junkyard for scrap metal to build his sculpture. Upon doing so, he finds Sonic's sneakers and immediately bolts back on over to the stadium to make sure Sonic is in peak condition to compete. Well would you look at that, Tails DID get to be the hero for once after all, way to go buddy. Crazy how he's more of a hero in this than his actual first solo story, but that's just how early Archie Sonic be sometimes.

I suppose I could and probably should question how the mere presence of Sonic's regular sneakers just suddenly brings back all of his drained energy at once, but it's whatever at this point. Also, much like Tails's save a moment ago, I like that Sonic doesn't try to substitute for Antoine in the race, but instead just messes with Buzzbomber to give his friend the win here. Is it cheating? Oh absolutely. But I like that he still let Antoine have the win, even if only on a technicality. 

It ends how you'd expect after that. Robotnik goes back on his deal to surrender after losing, Sonic smashes his giant roboticizer up, and the Freedom Fighters gather to console an exhausted Antoine.

So, how did Mr. DeCesare (so glad this is a blog, because I have NO CLUE how to pronounce that last name) do on his very first attempt? Surprisingly, not half bad. Sure, it still had flaws; there are some bad puns here and there I neglected to mention, and while Robotnik was definitely much smarter this time around, the same sadly cannot be said for the Freedom Fighters, who had to grab onto the Idiot Ball ever so slightly to make the story happen. Still, for a first time, not terrible. 

Moving forward, Angelo is going to be a regular writer for around the next 40 issues, not counting specials and miniseries.  While I can't say he has any standouts compared to his contemporaries (even Gallagher, who gets in a pretty solid storyline with Mecha Madness later on), I also can't recall any major hiccups on his end either. That's not to say his stories will all be winners, but in general, I don't HATE his output, and looking ahead to his credits as the more serious narrative takes hold, I have to say he handled that transition much better than Gallagher did overall.

But that's for another time. We've still got another story to cover, so let's move on to:

"Chomp On This, Chump!"

Ignoring the depressing fact that Sally being a terrible cook is the most acknowledgement she's gotten as a character these past several issues, we need to acknowledge the elephant in the room with this first page: there are absolutely no credits on this story whatsoever. Now, it's not TOO big of a deal to figure out who the artist is, because that's clearly Dave Manak's style. But it does beg the question: who wrote this story? THE GAME IS ON-

Angelo DeCesare. It's definitely Angelo, no question. Sorry, no detective work this time around.

Why do I say that with such confidence? Well, it actually has to do with the main plot point established right here at the start, with Rotor's sudden fascination with ant farms. Later down the road in Issue 23, this little tidbit will make another brief appearance in a story we KNOW for a fact was written by Angelo. Very often, and rather frustratingly, various writers who come onto this book will make a habit of exclusively using whatever continuity they create by themselves and mostly leave the work of other writers off to the wayside. While this does work out in some instances, it also leads to a lot of headaches down the road that I'll get into when they come. 

So yeah, we're doubling up on Angelo stories for his very first issue. Let's see if he can go 2 for 2.

OK so... a bit of a mixed bag on the set-up here.

First, the positive. Rotor's aforementioned sudden love of ant farms is a bit odd, but he IS a scientist, so I guess I can buy it. Personally, I can't stand bugs of any kind, but you do you, man. 

And oh yeah... they HATE it when you do this-

Oh look! They're REALLY MAD NOW!

(If you didn't get this joke, you obviously haven't seen the comedic masterpiece that is UHF and I am deeply ashamed of you. Go watch it the second you get the chance. That is not a request, that is an order.)

Putting aside my desperate desire to inject one of the greatest movies in existence into every corner of human society, I must unfortunately dock MAJOR points for Robotnik's actual plan this time. Let me see if I have this right, Doc: you managed to successfully dupe one of the leading Freedom Fighters into straight up handing you their HOME ADDRESS. As in, you should now know EXACTLY where Knothole Village is, and can begin the invasion to wipe out your enemies once and for all. And INSTEAD, you simply... mail in some new Badnik you created!?

*sigh*... yup, sorry. I have to do it again.

And we were doing so well today, too. What a shame. Even worse, unlike his similar blunder in Issue 2 of the miniseries, I can't even comfort myself with this one being noncanon, because this story IS actually referenced much later on. Doc, you're killing me here.

So Robotnik... mails Rotor his "new ant farm"... (it's just a stupid kid's comic, no big deal, let it go man)...

OK wait, now I'm even more confused. So obviously, Robotnik didn't send Rotor an ant farm, but instead a "Termite-Nator" (ugh) to devour all of the wood and paper in Knothole and wipe them out. Ignoring the MUCH BETTER OPPORTUNITY FOR DESTRUCTION THAT HE COMPLETELY WASTED (let it GO, man!), I suppose this is fair, but... why does Rotor have a page in his encyclopedia about it? Did... did Robotnik literally just make an exact robotic replica of a species that already existed? I don't know whether I should be impressed by his technological brilliance, or disappointed in his total lack of creativity.

Whatever. To give Robotnik the tiniest sliver of credit back, Rotor does go on to explain that this Termite-Nator grows in size the more it eats, and so the Freedom Fighters don't have much time until it becomes too big to handle. So, despite throwing away a golden chance at a flawless victory, I SUPPOSE Robotnik did sort of bumble his way back over into creating a half-decent threat... OK FINE, it's not AS bad as some other plans he's had before this. Pretty low bar to clear, I know.

In just 2 short pages, the Termite-Nator rapidly begins to tower over everyone, and they're running out of wood and paper to hold him off before he moves on to destroy everything in sight. Sally mourns the potential loss of her favorite cookbook, and we circle back to where this story started in an admittedly pretty clever way. Sonic asks her to read him the ingredients she used to make that rock-solid pancake from before, and makes yet another the exact same way. He then races outside Knothole with it, and...

Yeah sure, it probably would have made much more sense for them to just fight the thing directly since they outnumber it 5 to 1, but this is a much funnier solution. Sally's face on that last panel is just the cherry on top. 

Upon close inspection, Rotor is quickly able to deduce that the Termite-Nator is a robot built by Robotnik and decides to take a page out of the doctor's book by package delivering it back to him, this time reprogrammed to devour metal, with it promptly laying waste to Robotropolis eating every metallic thing in sight. Sonic then breaks the 4th wall with an absolutely HORRENDOUS "iron-ic" pun, and we close the book on Angelo DeCesare's Archie Sonic debut.

So, how did he do? Did he stick the landing for his first full-length issue on the job?

Yeah, I think so. The first story was actually really solid by Gag Era standards, with an interesting set-up, mostly well-written character beats despite a couple mishaps, and actually giving characters other than Sonic a chance to shine and help win the day. The second story was definitely much weaker, and I'm still not entirely over how Robotnik completely fumbled the ball yet again, but it wasn't a TERRIBLE story at the end of the day. That pay-off with the pancake totally saved it for me. Neither story was necessarily a masterpiece, and they still fell into some of Gallagher's pitfalls like bad puns and occasionally idiotic decision making from both sides of the conflict, but all in all, I think Issue 5 has a solid case for being the best issue so far. A decently fun time all around.

Alright cool, things are looking up. I wonder what's-

NO. No, this has to be a mistake, right?... Are you SURE I'm reading that correctly?...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

*sigh*... yup. Unfortunately... it's Spinball time.